Behold, dear homophobe, the upwards of 70 major U.S. companies who have just signed an amicus brief — basically a formal f-you complaint to the federal government and its odious Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) — saying the damn thing is bad for business, forces discrimination and inequality in company practices, was written by/for angry encephalitic right-wing thugs who don’t know their God from a hole in the seminary wall. I might be making up that last part. But only barely.
Which companies are protesting DOMA, you ask? Starbucks. Google. Microsoft. Levi’s. Nike. Time Warner Cable. Aetna. New Balance. Xerox. The list is impressive indeed, especially given how it’s more or less an addendum to a much longer list, one that includes all the other enormous U.S. companies who already openly support gay rights, like Apple and Disney and Pixar, like Hershey and Coca-Cola and Dell, American Express and Mattel and even big media daddies like Time Warner, Inc. and Viacom. Et al.
Don’t worry, homophobic American. No one really expects you to boycott all these companies, or even any of them. No one expects you to actually walk your hateful talk. It’s not really possible anyway.
Besides, the backwards lug in you and the jaded cynic in me could easily argue that most of these companies couldn’t care less about gay rights, per se. They only really care about the money DOMA costs them. They care about health care expenses, administrative overhead, profit and loss. They only care about, you know, capitalism. And everyone knows, capitalism doesn’t discriminate. It’s an equal opportunity exploiter.
But unfortunately for you, I’m not sure that really matters anymore. Be it for economic, moral, political or cultural reasons — or more likely, some wondrous combination thereof — gay rights and gay marriage are gaining on you. Fast. I know it, you know it, even capitalism itself knows it. Your imminent obsolescence is assured.
Not sure what that means? It’s OK. You can Google it.
